Category Archives: de-conversion

There’s a lot of junk

One of the reasons I put together the page Face the Strange, detailing my spiritual journey, was for the benefit of one person who came to the game late. He hadn’t been around for the past two years, watching me rise and fall and rise again. He had questions, and he didn’t want to really speak to the issue he saw at hand until he had a deeper understanding of what I’ve gone through.

This morning I woke up to three emails from him. One long one, that was fairly harsh and completely and brutally honest and from his heart, and two shorter ones that followed up with a few nicer, toned down words that were almost apologetic in nature.

I responded immediately, telling him it would take some time for me to process his accusatory tones and blanket assumptions. He replied once more, apologizing for his tone, but not for his message.

After reading and re-reading and re-reading again, I finally think I can respond. At first I was hurt. But the deeper I reflected and the more I read, the more I realized that some of what he says is true. Some isn’t, but some definitely is. (Note: You won’t see his entire email here, I only reference his pertinent points as this is already a very long post).

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It’s Just…Life

So I’ve been thinking recently. Should I start chronicling my new thoughts and this new path I’m on? Should this blog become more of a skeptic’s blog?

No.

You know why? Because my life’s focus now is… LIFE! Sure I have thoughts about things that are a lot different than they used to be, but I’m not trying to convince anybody else to think like me.

For more than 2 years I used this blog as my platform. To be heard. To try and make people think…like me. I don’t want to do that anymore. I may be an atheistic agnostic now (how’d ya like THAT one?), but my focus is not on that label at all. I don’t want to debunk Christianity. I want to live my life. I want to be me.

Now that doesn’t mean I’m not going to post stuff that I find interesting or things that I agree with or disagree with. I still will. But I’m not going to go all gung-ho and turn this into a pro-atheism or pro-skeptic blog.

It’s pro-Mandi, and that’s all!

de-conversion

I stumbled onto a pretty great website this morning – de-conversion. Now, I’m in the process of working my way through the archives – I’ve been reading for a few hours now. I don’t necessarily agree with everything I’ve read, but it’s good to know that I’m not alone.

I love this:

But how does one deal specifically with the loss that accompanies Christian apostasy?

And there is loss. I have been a Christian for my entire life, as far as I can tell. And while I truly am at peace without the threat of eternal damnation looming over humanity, I cannot go that that many years as a devout Christian and not feel a some kind of vacuum left over in my soul.

I don’t think that vacuum is the absence of God. Rather it is the loss of my weekly Bible study, the camaraderie, always knowing when your Christian brothers and sisters will be there.

And this:

[I] concluded that I could no longer toe the party line. And if my party line was wrong on this, it could no longer be trusted and was probably wrong on lots of other things as well.

I know that many Christians would argue that I am rejecting the package and that I should not necessarily reject Christ himself. At the moment I cannot see a meaningful way of separating the two.

Writing this marks a kind different coming out. I am declaring myself a tentative non-believer. It feels slightly odd, but at the same time much more comfortable than where I was 7 years ago.

Their version of Pascal’s Wager:

Whether or not you believe in God, you should live your life with love, kindness, compassion, mercy and tolerance while trying to make the world a better place. If there is no God, you have lost nothing and will have made a positive impact on those around you. If there is a benevolent God reviewing your life, you will be judged on your actions and not just on your ability to blindly believe in creeds- when there is a significant lack of evidence on how to define God or if he/she even exists.

All in all, I’m glad I found this blog. It’s in my feed reader, and I will be reading more.