It’s Laryngitis
Posted by Amanda on December 18th, 2009 . Filed under: Personal .I was settling in for a good night’s sleep when it occured to me: I have laryngitis.
No, not literally. My vocal capabilities are as good as they’ve ever been.
But I have lost my voice.
When I started this blog nearly four years ago, it was because I had something to say. When I was a Christian, I had an identity. A mission. A cause.
A voice.
I had things to say that mattered. People listened to me when I spoke (or wrote).
It felt good.
That voice is gone. And it’s never coming back. And I have to wonder if another will take its place or if I’m destined to remain silently unnoticed.
It took me 23 years to get the voice I had as a Christian. Will it take another two decades before I have another?
What if I never recover?
December 18th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Ok, this comment might come out crappy, but I don’t mean to sound like a dick (science writing is soo much easier for me). You sound like you are saying “woe is me I used to be popular”. You sound like the 40 year old bald out of shape guy lamenting how he use to be a football star on high school.
Amanda, you have grown. Your blog is no longer frequented by people who represent a large majority of this country who are trying to convince you to stay on their team based on virtually no reason.
But, if you want, you can get that voice back if you wish. You are a good writer, a concerned compassionate person. But to be frank, most of your posts recently have been devoid of substance and have been mostly about visiting family, tv shows and whatnot. Your last substantive post was over a month ago.
Ok I’m writing on an iPhone so I am not going back to rewrite that to make it sound nicer. Again I don’t mean to sound like a dick, apparently it’s just coming out that way now.
It didn’t take you 23 years to find your voice on the Internet, it took a couple. You can find it again when you fund your passion and get better Internet access
I look forward to that time and will be here until then
December 18th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Find not fund… Duh stupid iPhone
December 18th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I’m glad I took a minute to re-read what you wrote here. The second reading is much clearer and far less dick-ish than my original glance. Even though I knew you meant no harm.
You’re right… it *is* partially a “woe is me” complaint… but it’s so much more than that.
You’re absolutely right that everything I write lately is devoid of substance. And that’s my point. I feel as if I can’t write anything of value or substance because I have no voice anymore. I don’t know what to write about. I’m not an authority on anything anymore.
That’s my point. When I say I lost my voice… I don’t mean that I want my “glory days” back. I mean that I don’t feel like I have the ability or right to talk about things anymore.
As far as passion goes… I do have a new project going! The Literary Cook is up and running, and can only get better with time.
December 23rd, 2009 at 11:56 pm
You’re not an authority according to whom? You can write about whatever the hell you want. It will have meaning and substance if you give it meaning and substance. But, as Tech said, if you prefer to keep up the “woe is me” mantra, you’ll certainly be void of anything worthwhile.
We always have a voice. We change our focus, our direction, or our mission du jour, but our voice remains free and present. There are still aspects of your life that make you happy, angry, nostalgic, irritated, energized, or ecstatic (if you say there aren’t, I’m going to tell you to find a shrink and get some happy pills). That’s what you write about now.
You seem to be falling into the “Religion trap” set up by the right: Unless you have a book of ancient texts, you have no authority to speak about anything of importance. That’s complete a utter BS. We’ve been through that argument dozens of times.
To sum it up, write about what you want to write about. If it’s nothing, than it’s nothing. Maybe the blog thing isn’t YOUR thing anymore. I got tired of arguing, so I pretty much gave up mine. I post the same thing I used to now on Facebook, where I get very little argument. If someone pissed me off there, I just defriend them. I can still rant and rave, but my medium had to change.
That’s all for now. Hope all is well on your end. Happy Holidays!
December 24th, 2009 at 10:00 am
musicguy,
what happened? You have been gone a long time and you have come back all crankypants!
December 24th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
i don’t mean to be mr. crankypants. When I was commenting last night, I had this “Been there, done that, have the t-shirt” kind of feeling. I reserve the right to be completely off base. we shall see!
December 24th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Here’s Ms. Crankypants for you:
Stay the hell away if you don’t like what I have to say. This is my space to talk, to vent, to dream, to cry, to whine if I feel like it. This is pretty much my only space.
I don’t write for you; I write for me.
And if you’re going to try and make me feel bad for being human and expressing doubt or confusion, then you can go to hell.
And if you hate me for saying that, that’s fine too.
December 26th, 2009 at 11:03 am
gone.