The Bahamian Government is planning to outlaw marital rape.
The present law in the Bahamas defines rape as an act of any person not under 14 years of age having sex with another person who is not his spouse without the consent of that other person; without consent that had been extorted by threats or fear of bodily harm; with consent obtained by impersonating the spouse of the other person; or with consent obtained by false and fraudulent representations as to the nature and quality of the act.
The proposed amendment would omit the words “who is not his spouse” in essence making it illegal for any person to have sex with another without consent – regardless if they are married or not.
Under the current law, rape can only occur in a marriage if the couple is legally separated.
Marital rape was outlawed in the United States in 1976. The penalty for raping your spouse is typically more leniant than for raping a stranger, but it is still considered rape.
The issue has sparked a national debate in the Bahamas, which baffles me. It turns out that there are actually people out there who believe that you can’t rape your spouse. In both of the articles I linked above, the opposing opinions quoted are all from people of faith, and they use their faith to justify this belief (bold emphasis mine).
Controversial pastor Cedric Moss has vocally opposed the legislation claiming the amendment would create a “society of rapists.” Citing the “word of God”, Mr Moss argued that rape cannot be committed in marriage because the couple, gave each other authority over the other’s body and agreed to open-ended sexual consent in the marriage contract.
“It is ridiculous for them to try to make that a law, because I don’t think a man can rape his own wife. After two people get married, the Bible says that they become one – one flesh. How is it possible to rape what is yours?” asked Mr. Sutherland.
Elvis Russell told the Journal that he does not support the bill either because there is no such thing as rape within a marriage.
“Even if a woman says no to her husband it still can’t be considered rape because she is his wife. He already paid his dues at the church and she already said ‘I do,’ so from then on, even if [a man] forces sex on his wife, it isn’t rape,” he said.
Deanne Sweeting said that she strongly disagrees with the bill and does not understand why so many women are supporting it.
“I disagree with the bill because I disagree that a man can rape his wife. The Bible tells me that a man’s body is his wife’s and her body is his. How could he rape her?” asked Ms. Sweeting.
Coralee Clarke told the Journal that although she is not married, she believes that a man is entitled to sex from his wife whenever he feels like it.
“If a man wants to have sex with his wife he is supposed to [have sex with her] regardless of what the circumstances [are]. I don’t see why he should be charged with raping his own wife, she is never supposed to say no,” said Ms. Clarke.
“If I were married and my husband wanted to have sex with me I wouldn’t stop him, [because] I’m not supposed to, even if I was tired or feeling sick, I wouldn’t tell him no.”
This makes me sick. These people are so blinded by their faith that they can’t tell right from wrong. And that is not a sentence I thought I’d ever type. One of the reasons I feel so strongly about this issue, other than being a woman who expects my no to mean no, is that I have a friend who has seen this happen. His best friend is married to an abusive man. She is on some sort of medication that pretty much makes her pass out at night, and it turns out that her husband has his way with her while she’s passed out. And he’s bragged about this to his friends.
And that makes me sick to my stomach.
Sex is supposed to an incredible thing. It’s supposed to enjoyed. It’s supposed to be consentual. It’s supposed to be mutual. Married or not married, any sex that is forced, is now, has always been, and will always be rape. And rape is illegal.
But this isn’t just about rape. It’s about how men (and society) treat women. The fact that there are people who say that a man cannot rape his wife because, even if he forces her to have sex, he owns her shows that there is a giant problem with women’s rights. I do understand that these opinions that have been expressed didn’t come from American culture. But they did come from a Christian culture. And I don’t see it at all as a far leap from Christians in the Bahamas reacting this way to Christians in America reacting this way.
Because I’ve been told by a pastor that a woman should never deny her husband sex. And it’s exactly that kind of attitude that leads to marital rape. It makes me wonder how many wives are raped by their husbands every day, but they never tell anyone because they’ve been told it’s their duty as good Christian wives to never deny their husbands. How many women out there have never experienced the joy of sex because all they’ve ever known is marital rape?
Melodramatic? Maybe. But I think it exists more than anyone thinks in more conservative and fundamental communities.
So back to the law. It’s a good law. But the only way it’ll be a great law (in any country, including the US), is if women are educated about marital rape and taught that it’s okay to say no, it’s never okay for your husband to force you, and if he does it’s okay to tell somebody.
My response can be summed up in six letters: O M G W T F.
The whole thing disgusts me, including the women defending it.
The only way that law “would create a society of rapists” is if there is currently a society of violent and/or inconsiderate husbands. To make a statement like Cedric’s is like saying, “We can’t do that because every man takes advantage of the current legality and rapes his wife regularly.”
Marriage is not “authority over each other’s bodies and open-ended consent in the marriage context.” That is garbage. Rape, be it violent or simply consent-based, is abuse in every sense and marriage does not justify abuse in any sense. Rape, regardless of its physical nature at the time, is an act of violence; and in the words of the band Bush, “There’s no sex in violence.”
“Even if [a man] forces sex on his wife, it isn’t rape.” That is complete and utter bull.
“A man is entitled to sex from his wife whenever he feels like it.” Even in this simplified form, I strongly disagree. A marriage only “entitles” a man to anything sexual in that it entitles both partners to more of each other’s trust; with trust ideally comes intimacy and sex can be a means of expressing that intimacy. Any “whenever he feels like it” clause is bull.
“If I were married and my husband wanted to have sex with me I wouldn’t stop him, [because] I’m not supposed to, even if I was tired or feeling sick, I wouldn’t tell him no.” There is a very thin line between generous and ignorant; and I believe this woman just crossed it.
Mandi, you have every right to expect — nay, demand — your no to mean no. Anything less is unacceptable. I agree with every word of your “Sex is supposed to be” paragraph; though I’d add “Sex is supposed to be intimate.” Even when it’s between two people who hardly know each other personally, there is a degree of intimacy and passion present and that’s what makes sex exciting.
There is a giant problem with women’s rights. Slavery was abolished decades ago; no law should state, literally or effectively, that anyone owns anyone. No woman should ever have to feel violated, especially based on a belief that she has no right to fight.
So I agree that while marital rape does need to be outlawed, women need to learn that marital rape is illegal and is immoral and should never be ignored.
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Of course, the scripture this viewpoint is based on is one which tells both spouses to not deny each other. However, scripture also commands each spouse to put the other before them. If both spouses are thinking first of the other’s needs, the wife will be willing to have sex and the husband will be willing to go without if she wouldn’t enjoy it. They should both have the other’s pleasure foremost in mind.
I know this is a broken world and it’s not how things are, but it is how things should be.
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Wait… The man gets his way whenever he wants? I dont really see a problem here….
[runs for the hills]
OK, I’m just being a dork. When I first read about this, my jaw dropped. I wasn’t surprised at idiot men condoning rape. I was surprised at idiot women condoning it. They are basically saying “Yeah, as long as we have this piece of paper its OK to rape me”
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