When my faith outwardly changed, so did my worldview. And with it, my thoughts on sexuality.

As an evangelical Christian, I was never told specifically that sex was bad. But I was definitely taught that it was taboo. It was something to be ashamed of, something that no one spoke of.

Of course, in my rebellious mind that made sex enticing. But my worldview at the time was such that, if I went and had sex, I’d be easy. A slut.

And now that I’m sitting back and looking at what society has to say, rather than religion… it isn’t any easier. There are people who believe that women should not be afraid of their sexuality or repress it. There are people who believe that women and men are wholly equal and should be treated so in every way, including their sexuality. But there are still a great deal of people who believe that women should be held to a different standard than men. That women should not enjoy sex, and for god’s sake if they do don’t tell anybody about it.

This article talks about the idea of women undermining their own sexuality in response to societal whim:

Aware that others will be judging them, it makes women wonder if they’re withholding their sexuality “enough.” Or it makes them proud that they do. Either way, it says that repressing yourself is an important part of sexuality and relationships. And that’s a destructive idea.

Women are caught in a historical collision between the sexual values of the past and future. Religion, the media and our families are sending out contradictory messages about sexuality that are driving women crazy.

Consider: Today’s woman is supposed to be sexy, but not too sexy. She’s supposed to be responsive enough to validate her partner, but not too aggressive or hard to please. Sexual, but not lusty. Not frigid, but not quite red hot. Her sexuality should express love, not lust.

In short, she has to be sexual in just the right way, regardless of her actual feelings or needs. To conform, to be an acceptable female, women have to carefully modulate, and therefore undermine, their own sexuality.

And you know, I agree with a lot of what the article says, but I believe it’s missing a key point. The article points its finger at women for doing this to ourselves, and while it has an air of truth to it, it misses the fact that men and women both erroneously hold to these conflicting ideals – perpetuating the cycle. The fact of the matter is that women wouldn’t feel the need to repress their sexuality, to be something they’re not, if our men didn’t make us feel that showing any hint of sexuality outside of the bedroom (and even sometimes inside) was embarrassing, immoral, or just plain wrong.

Categories: Sexuality | 4 Comments »