Monthly Archives: January 2009

Well I got that official “you suck” letter today. From the company I interviewed with when I was home at Christmas.

It’s ok. I was kind of expecting it. I would have done a kick-ass job in the position, but they either thought I would suck or I would be too good. Because yes, the job would have been a step down for me.

There was another possibility that I was kind of excited about.. but that company decided not to fill the open position because of the economy.

At this point, I’m applying for any and every administrative assistant/clerical position I can find. A big step down from what I’m doing now, but hey…  I’m definitely moving in 6 weeks, so I’ll take whatever I can get.

This will work out, right? I’m not being as stupid as my mom thinks I am by moving without a job already in place, am I?

I had really thought I had a handle on my self-worth and self-confidence. I mean, I knew I still had issues, but I at least thought I was improving.

Today I had a startling realization that confirms the opposite.

You see, I can’t get angry with the object of my affection out of fear that I would no longer be the object of his affection.

And that’s retarded. And unhealthy.

But that’s how it’s always been with me. And I realized today that it is still true. Because I did get angry, but I couldn’t show it.

Oy vey!

It’s official. I talked to my boss today and told him I’d be leaving sometime in the next few months. And I told him that part of the reason was because I could no longer sign the statement of faith. So let me finally once and for all say what I’ve wanted to say here for so long…

I do not believe in God.

I’ve said those words aloud to a select few people. It’s freeing to state them here.

Maybe now I can go back to how I used to be, and actually write again.

How I miss writing here everyday.