This blog used to have faithful readers, because I was a faithful writer. That’s definitely changed. I doubt I have *any* readers left out there, but if I do… here’s an update on the life that is mine.
One of the reasons I don’t write here anymore is because of the biggest change that’s occurred in my life. Most of you know what that change is, and I still can’t come right out and say it publically because of the ramifications that may have regarding my place of employment. Until I’m in a position to change that, mum’s the word. Although I’m about to let caution fly to the wind!
I’m so frustrated with people being “worried” about me because I no longer think like they do. Honestly, just because I don’t think like you doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. If I could only tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Well you can just believe…” “Well you don’t have to think…” “Well here’s what I do…”
WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK OR DO? Okay, so that’s harsh, I know. But honestly, when I come to you and tell you that I think differently, DON’T RESPOND TO ME BY TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO THINK LIKE YOU.
LISTEN TO ME.
HEAR ME.
Don’t talk AT me.
And people wonder why I’m so isolated these days. There’s too much drama in the world. It’s like I’m a drama magnet. There’s drama going on among my friends, and honestly, I want nothing to do with it. I refuse to be caught in the middle of it, so I don’t talk to anyone about it. I refuse to choose sides.
I prefer my online life to my real life.
Although there’s been plenty of drama online in the last 6 months as well. Although most of it is gone. Now I’m left with one really complicated relationship and a lot of really good friends.
I’ve finally felt what it’s like to be in love. I’ve also, for the first time, felt the pain of heartbreak. And I’m still at the point where I refuse to let go because there’s some glimmer of hope that things will work out. I’m an eternal optimist it seems (even had one friend tell me to “be a realist, for once”).
I’m also still super homesick. I read an article in Country Magazine the other day (my granny and papa mailed me some good ole country reading last week) that featured NC, and it made me cry. Granted, I was already having a rough day, but the pictures… so gorgeous. There’s just no other state like NC. And there’s only one reason that I would be okay not living there for the rest of my days.
Hopefully I’ll be able to post more. Sometimes there are things that are just too hard to write about. Which is odd for me, because I’ve always been a little too transparent online.
Until next time…
I don’t know about anyone else but I’m still subscribed and still read every post.
I really hope you can find some friends who will be there for you through the dark days and who won’t constantly try to change you.
I’m here. I’m reading.
Much love and *hugs* to you
I still swing by every once in a while. I haven’t been writing in my own blog, that often lately. So, I also haven’t been visiting others as much.
Still, as someone who went through a one eighty degree change of view, I can relate. Part of the reason for my change was when trying to ask questions, I got the same sort of response as you. It was ironic that them trying to “convince” me actually pushed me further away.
Anyway, it’s a bit more complicated than that, but I only have so much time and room to type. Keep in mind that complex situations and life changing events tell you who your friends really are. I know it’s cliche, but that is often the case when you look back on it.
I’m still around. maybe it’s time for a new job, new locale, new friends, etc.
I’ll keep reading, and try not to talk at you
I’m still here too wishing you well. Sad to hear this sort of thing is happening to you.
It sound very similar to what I often get (as an atheist). What atheists from religious families often get (I’m not saying this is what is going on with you, just that it sounds like the results are similar).
Hey Amanda…Scott Hatfield here. Still read your blog, still accept you for who you think you are and who you want to become…not particularly interested in reading the opinions and experiences of someone exactly the same as me, since that would be boring. In that spirit, I heartily commend Richard Feynman’s book ‘What Do You Care What Other People Think?’