I looked at pictures from HeavenFest this morning. It made me realize something.
I miss it.
The fellowship. The deep sense of belonging. The sight of hundreds or thousands of people all with their hands lifted to the sky in harmony and unison with one another.
I’m floating along blindly alone. At least, that’s how it feels. None of my friends understand me anymore. I’m out of place in everything they do.
So, I miss it.
But I don’t regret anything. I know where I stand, and that isn’t changing.
But a little melancholy longing for the familiarity of the past has overtaken me, and I’m basking in it for the moment.
It misses you…
I think you misunderstand what it is that I miss. I miss the things that come along with faith, not the faith.
This is a familiar sound. Military members and their spouses go through this.
Their new experiences make them feel disconnected from their old haunts and old friends who do not share those experiences.
It’s difficult to go through. Going forward can mean leaving things behind. Comfortable things. Things that make us feel safe. Things that used to define us.
Personally, I never missed what I left behind. I felt liberated. Free to be a better person. Well, free to be a different person. I just always hope it is a better person I choose to be.
Belonging to a community that is sharing your new experiences really helps. It is easy to loose your way when there are no solid standards, no yard sticks to measure yourself against. When you hold yourself apart, that is what you may suffer.
Amanda,
If you ever need someone to talk to, go ahead and shoot me an email. I understand that isn’t the same as being able to talk to someone in person, and if I could do more I would. However, you only have to be alone if you want to be.
During my… transitional phase, I wanted to be alone. It gave me time for self-evaluation and introspection. I can only hope that you will find the comfort that I and others have found with the changes to your life.
~Berlzebub