My pastor just concluded a series on sex called “Going All the Way.” It was a really good sermon series – not stuff you generally hear in a church service. Sunday’s message was a Q+A session. People had been submitting questions anonymously to Pastor Jeff through the website, and he picked many of them (a lot of tough ones) to answer for us.
I wasn’t surprised by any of his answers until he got to the section on divorce.
There are a few specific verses that deal with divorce in the New Testament.
1 Corinthians 7:39: A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to remarry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
Matthew 19:3-6: …For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Matthew 5:31-32: It has been said, “Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.” But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become and adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Matthew 19:8-9: Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Like a lot of Christians, I had always been taught (because of these verses) that people who divorce should not remarry. I completely understood one question that was asked, “What is the point of getting married again? Why not just enjoy the company of the person we are with? Really what’s the point if either way we are committing adultery? Why get married a second or third time?”
My pastor’s response was different than I expected because he challenged that traditional viewpoint.
He called to attention verses that speak of God’s forgiveness, repentance, etc. He brought to the table the idea that if once sins have been repented of and are no more (gone as far as the east is to the west), then remarriage would be permitted because the sin of divorce would be gone.
I thought that was pretty radical, but completely in line with Scriptures.
The only caution I would make is that God knows the heart. There’s a difference between repenting of a past sin and of committing a sin knowing full well that you “plan to repent” later (you know the adage it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission…).
Grace is greater than even divorce, but I’ll tell you: having seen so many marriages biting the dust these past two years, watching the ripping of the “one flesh” (see Malachi), crying with the children and watching the brokeness of relationships and wounded spouses – how are we ending up in this awful place?
If we aren’t Christlike in our marriages, if we aren’t putting on the humility He did (Phil. 2) and preferring one another and walking out the love covenant with each other inside the family, can we anywhere else?
Ah, but thank God for His mercy and second chances. He heals our hard-heartedness!
Jesus set high standards as a way of proving that we cannot save ourselves by living a perfect life. He wasn’t saying it was unforgivable to break the rules, just illustrating how hard it would be to earn ourselves grace. Yes, we should aim high, but accept that in some areas we are going to fail. People who divorce and remarry have not lead the perfect life but who has? We just do the best we can and should stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect: Jesus said it wasn’t possible in the first place.