Black and White
Sep 22nd, 2007 by Amanda
It’s funny. I’ve always looked at myself as a very “in the middle” kind of gal. I’m a peacekeeper. It’s very easy for me to understand where someone with a completely different opinion is coming from. But this whole faith fiasco has revealed to me that I’m really a very black and white kind of girl. Everything is either/or not both/and. There’s no grey area. It’s all or nothing.
And that’s why I’ve been struggling so much.
I have the greatest mom ever. I finally talked to her about what’s going on with me. And she didn’t cry or tell me I’m going to hell. She listened. She told me she understood. And she told me that she loves me. That was the greatest thing in the world that could have happened.
In talking to her, I figured out why I’ve left myself stuck in a sort of limbo. It’s because I’m a black or white kind of girl. If I admit that I don’t consider myself a Christian, then I must be a non Christian. And I’m not ready to make that step. I don’t want to make that step. The reason I’m in all of this turmoil is because I’m a black and white kind of girl. I’ve made the case over and over again that either all of the Bible is true, or none of it is. So, naturally, when I come to the conclusion that it’s not this great inerrant and infallible book, then…none of it must be. I don’t know how to go from 25 years of all or nothing to something else. I don’t think it’s in me to. Which is why I’m stuck. I know plenty of people who make the balance between faith and reason. They see that men wrote the Bible and some of the “facts” contained within just aren’t. And their faith remains intact.
I don’t know how to do that.
I don’t like this about myself. In fact, I hate it. My whole life I’ve proudly proclaimed that “I know that I know that I know” that everything about my faith was right, true, and good. Now that I find that some of it wasn’t…
In all honesty, this is retarded. I know it is. I’ve written tons of things about how Christians really are and how Christianity is really supposed to be. I’ve managed to be the kind of Christian who made people who hated all things Christian respect and even like me. But it was all based on this belief that everything between the cover of that book was the end all be all to everything. It was all relevent. It was all fact. And once that was disproved, everything else crumbled.
What do I rebuild on? Can this all or nothing girl even rebuild her faith?
you know there are tons of things that are black and white that are really great for a variety of reasons.
Oreo Cookies
Chess sets
vanilla and licorice jelly beans
books
people
well there are is quite a variety of shades and colors with people…but what occurs to me is that when you tend to say “how Christians really are…” is not limited to christians at all.
Muslims, the overwhelming majority of them are like that too. Hindus and buddhists also, kind, generous, compassionate, etc. Atheists too…
The point is…your description of Christians, is really a description of people, the overwhelming majority of them, not the underwhelming minority of them you see and hear on the news. The quantity of people that appear on the news, with all their badness, vileness and so forth, is truly a tiny minority of us as a species. Only a tiny minority of the people in this country are in jail (about 0.5%) or on parole (and we lead the world). Even if you triple that number its still a small minority.
Most people are like Christians…the kind you are thinking of (not the kind I think of).
While people may lie , cheat, have bad days and strongly disagree and argue… almost everyone shares the same morals … its how we survive as a species.
Most people are kind and honest because that is how they have seen that they are successful. Those who are mean, demanding, etc etc… are that way because it has worked for them (see confirmation bias). But most are not.
I guess my point is, it doesnt really matter if you identify yourself as a Christian or not. You are a good person. You can build strong ties to family, friends and community if you like. Nothing can stop you.
Be well.
“They see that men wrote the Bible and some of the “facts” contained within just aren’t. And their faith remains intact.”
LOL well, delusion is a powerful emotion! no one likes to be wrong. Only the best of us can admit it when we are (as you have).
Cheers.
Amanda,
Remind me what made you change your mind about the Bible being inerrant and infallible?
I currently have a series of posts on my blog in which I discuss the status of faith in a series called ‘Behind The Curtain.’
You may find them helpful, or you may find them excessively philosophical. I don’t know. All I can say is that those of us who have found a ‘balance’ for faith and reason don’t have all the answers, either.
Maybe it’s OK to FEEL the need to be black or white, but recognize that our limitations often lead us with shades of gray. Hope this is helpful!
When people ask me to describe my faith, I always say that being a Christian is about living in tension. Tension between mysterry and truth; between the rational and the relational; and of course, between our will and God’s will. I too can be a black and white person, but in my faith, I find that this tension is what challenges me and amazes me daily.
Have you tried sitting down with a non-literalist Christian and discussing this with them? I’d have thought that most areas would have at least a few pastors/vicars/whatever that would be happy to have that conversation. If you really feel the need to be a Christian then shop around to find a kind of Christian you feel you can be.
I’m contractually obliged to point out that atheism is also a perfectly valid option, and can be great fun. The same principle applies - if you have any questions about how skeptical atheism works in practice*, ask an atheist.
* I have no doubt that you’ve heard more than enough about how it works in theory
If men did write it (as I believe they did), *why* did they write it?
I think that’s the next question to ask.
Why does any author write?? I think a great deal was written to explain the world. Other sections purely folklore and the like (Quite a bit was written about the Greek and Roman gods and goddesses). There might even be the occasional grain of truth, but I’ll not hold my breath for that.
For any author to write anything, it has to mean something to them. Regardless of whether you’re writing fact or fiction, you’re only going to write about what really ignites you. That is, unless you’re in school and you’re forced to write essays on really really boring subjects that give you no motivation whatsoever to think critically…oh wait, off topic.
So then, to get back specifically to the bible…perhaps we need to ask what it meant to the people who wrote it…since it obviously meant a great deal to both them and the generations following them. It’s not that we should ask if it’s true (in fact some very great men have said that question completely devalues the message), but we should ask what it means (or at least, what it meant).
That way, you can feel free to consider it all factually false (keep things nice and black), if you’re so inclined…but yet perhaps you still might find some value in it…although not in the realm of objective truth. Subjective truth is the realm of religion anyway (Kierkegaard reference
).
I’m not arguing whether or not the bible is valuable. There are dribs and drabs that can certainly guide you to leading a good life. However, the bulk of what’s written there is eons old garbage about not eating shellfish or trimming your sideburns. That’s not the least bit valuable to rational folks. I’m not about to go book by book, so I hope you get my point.
I’m so glad you got to talk to your mom and that she was so encouraging to you! What a blessing!
That is, unless you’re in school and you’re forced to write essays on really really boring subjects that give you no motivation whatsoever to think critically…
Oh good grief. If I believed in a God, I would thank Him daily that I no longer have to do those ruddy awful essays.
“Draw parallels between Oliver Twist and some random book that no-one’s ever heard of because it’s got no plot.” No thanks, miss, I’d rather draw my own teeth armed with nothing but a doorknob and some cheesewire. The teacher was lovely, but that class massively stunted my interest in “serious” literature.
I’m guessing you were also speaking from personal experience?