I will however, truly hope that you find your way sometime soon. Emotional hardship is… well its just that..its hard. I’ve gone through the loss of a parent, a divorce (wife sleeping with her boss). But in both incidences, while it hurt, I knew (and know) we are human. We as humans are capable of incredible suffering and incredible forgiveness, and finally incredible joy (in that order).

My hardships pale in comparison to others. My father was a jew in not one, but 5 concentrations camps in WWII (he was moved around for work), then he escaped hungary during the revolution. People starve, live in bug infested areas, are subject to intense frequent rape and attack and are still able to eek out a little joy now and then. My problems paled in comparison (not that these comparison helped me at the time, but they did in time).

I now have a very loving wife, a beautiful daughter who i cant get enough of, and we live comfortably and happily.

Emotional hardship is very real, its almost tangible. Depression overcame me like a ton of bricks. I literally saw no reason to get off the couch. I watched every “Little House on the Prairie” there was. The thing that moved me along was acknowledgment that I am human and eventually this will pass. I looked forward to what I wanted, how i imagined myself living, and with time, I got there.

You can too.

Hope this helps.

I had a long comment, but erased it. There is much I would like to say to you, to comfort you, encourage you, give you hope, but the words won’t come out the way I would like them to be.

For now, I will just pray for you…that in the midst of the dry places you have been wandering through, that your spirit would find rest and peace.

Did you re-read your own words? Are they igniting life?

Just other day, I remembered a song I hadn’t thought of for 30 years by Larry Norman, “I am a Servant.” It came out of the Jesus-people movement – hippies who couldn’t stomach works-based religion, but who wanted to pour their all at the foot of the cross.

I have been singing it all week and now here you have written some awesome servant stuff to consider and bring more understanding!

“I am a servant, I’ve been looking at the game
That I’ve been playing, I’ve been staing much the same
How can You use me when I’ve never given all?
How can You choose me when You know I’ll quickly fall?
I need Your help to start…
Come and purify my heart, I am Your servant…”