Healing my Soul
Jun 29th, 2007 by Amanda
The more I read in Velvet Elvis, the more I see of myself:
I just couldn’t do it anymore.
People were asking me to write articles and books on how to grow a progressive young church, and I wasn’t even sure I was a Christian anymore.
I didn’t even know if I wanted to be a Christian anymore.
What do you do when you can hear the room filling up with thousands of people who are expecting you to give them words from God, and you don’t even know if it is true anymore?
I was exhausted.
I was burned out.
I was full of doubt.
I was done.
I had nothing more to say.
So I may not be a superpastor people want writing books…but the state of our minds was the same.
I was done.
But Bell began to learn something that I’m just now beginning to learn and figure out how to apply to my life despite years of bad Christian habits:
The point of the cross isn’t forgiveness. Forgiveness leads to something much bigger: restoration. God isn’t just interested in the covering over of our sins; God wants to make us into the people we were originally created to be. It is not just the removal of what’s being held against us; it is God pulling us into the people he originally had in mind when he made us. This restoration is why Jesus always orients his message around becoming the kind of people who are generous and loving and compassionate. The goal here isn’t simply to not sin. Our purpose is to increase the shalom in this world, which is why approaches to the Christian faith that deal solely with not sinning always fail. They aim at the wrong thing. It is not about what you don’t do. The point is becoming more and more the kind of people God had in mind when we were first created.
That kind of flies in the face of fundamentalism, doesn’t it?
It is one thing to be saved. To believe in Jesus. It is another thing to be healed. It is possible to be saved and miserable. It is possible to be saved and not be a healthy, whole, life-giving person. It is possible for the cross to have done something for a person but not in them.
And that brings me to what I have to do in my own life. It won’t be easy, but I think I can do it.
I meet so many people who have superwhatever rattling around in their head. They have this person they are convinced they are supposed to be, and their superwhatever is killing them. They have this image they picked up over the years of how they are supposed to look and act and work and play and talk, and it’s like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear.
And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot first.
Yes, that is what I meant to write.
You have to kill your superwhatever.
And you have to do it right now.
Because your superwhatever will rob you of today and tomorrow and the next day until you take it out back and end its life.
Go do it.
I have to kill my superMandiKaye. She exists, and I hate that she exists. Say goodbye to her now, because she won’t be around anymore.
I’m going to let Jesus heal my soul.
[…] post by Amanda for Soul […]
Yay! Bye, superMandiKaye! Hasta la vista. I’m so excited for you and all the new stuff you’re going to come across! Woohoo, God is good!
Yay! I’m glad you are back…the essence of you, without SuperMandiKaye!
Isn’t Rob Bell awesome!
Exactly! All of those rules and regulations, the restrictions, the rewards and punishments…those are just God setting the minimum. That’s why I so often say that there is no absolute obligation to go further. God won’t punish you if you can’t seem to let him heal you. It’s not about that.
This is sort of the extra credit part, where your life is not focused on the next life and where you’ll go then, but on what you can do *right now* to bring yourself closer to God. Being a Christian shouldn’t be about defining the minimum requirements to get into heaven. It’s about healing.
Keep this stuff coming, it’s great! I’ve never actually read Rob Bell, just heard a bunch about him, so I’m glad you’re sharing this!
I think I underlined nearly the entire book. I’d read it once before, but it didn’t affect me nearly like it is now. And if it’s possible…Bell’s second book is even better!
I have at least one more post up my sleeve about all of this…I didn’t do it today because I thought I’d posted enough for one day.
Timing does a lot, doesn’t it? I was thinking of someday in the distant future teaching a course about these sorts of things, and I keep getting reminded that the order I teach it in will matter, and that some people are ready to hear things and some aren’t, which is why it’s hard to teach this stuff. Everybody needs something different at their particular stage in life to push them towards that healing.
I think maybe you have to know someone really well before you can help them along in their spiritual journey. Or you could just put out a best selling book and hope that people read it at the right times.
I’m no Rob Bell though!
Amanda - I truly appreciate your honesty! Rarely have I found other Christians willing to admit that all is not “perfect” in our little world. But we all have a story to tell, and no matter who you are or where you live . . . we all have struggles and pain. Thanks for not pretending, and for giving the rest of us permission to admit the truth about our own lives. Therein lies healing . . . . facing the truth and accepting the grace, not in striving to “get it right.” Bless you, dear! Nina
I like what Kristen had to say. The rules are the bottom– their the boundaries from which you have freedom. They only limit in the way that they help you to be more like God himself.