Strong? Or Not.
Posted by Amanda on June 13th, 2007 . Filed under: Personal .In the past few days, I’ve learned something about myself that’s alarming. I could very easily live as if there were no God. In fact, I’ve thought about it several times. Life would be so much easier. I begin to wonder why I’m even a Christian in the first place. Is it because I know the Bible to be true? Or is it because I’ve been conditioned to believe it is?
My gut says that I know it’s true. I’ve felt the presence of God. But sometimes I hear an argument from an atheist that seems so…right.
Did I really just admit that publically?
I have nothing in common with the vast majority of the world. That automatically limits who I can have close relationships with, and often, the people who I can have close relationships with are people I don’t want to be around. I’m a very relational person, and sometimes I wonder if this life that I live is worth the lack of close relationships. Of course, that begs the question, if I lived life differently, would I really have more opportunity and chance for the relationships I so desperately seek?
I’ll never know.
Even if I decided to renounce what I know to be true and live in the status quo…I’d be eaten alive by the guilt. And who can enjoy life while feeling the shame of guilt?
Or do I live in some fantasy world, desperately seeking that which nobody has?
June 13th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Ah, guilt! The strongest weapon used my organized religions to ensnare the masses.
I was in a similar place years ago, and have let go of my “conditioning” instead choosing to navigate on my own. I’ve come to many startling conclusions since then, and I wouldn’t give those up for the world. I still believe there’s a divine creator, but too many signs point to the bible being a nice collection of plagiarized stories, rather than the word of said divine creature.
I’m sure you’re going to get a comment from someone that will say it’s just that damned DEVIL trying to tempt you. You have to make your choice and live with it. I did, and have been most happy since then!
June 13th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I know how you feel. It’s so easy for doubt to slip in sometimes. There’s a quote by Kahlil Gibran that I think is cool: “Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”
June 13th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Darnit, Amanda, you’re putting me in a bad position here! It’s like waving a piece of string in front of a cat – I have to resist the urge to say “hey, why not try atheism?”.
Or at least resist expressing it too blatantly… My suggestion would be to determine what precisely it is that makes you want to be a Christian, makes you love the very idea of Christianity. You’ve then got two questions:
1) Which of those attributes of Christianity can you enjoy without Christianity?
2) Are the remaining attributes strong or significant enough to be worth keeping your faith for?
My answer, for example, would be that, since I tend to prioritise issues of accuracy and scientific understanding, the attractions of religion are not strong enough to overcome my doubts. By contrast, someone who genuinely enjoyed the sense of worship and devotion that religion brings might choose to become a pantheist and start attending a Unitarian church. Someone who mostly thrived on the sense of community might find that joining a sports team provided the same effect with no need for faith.
Or you might decide that what you get from Christianity is so unique, so irreplaceable, that it’s worth holding onto regardless of what you feel. That’s a judgement that I could well imagine you making, and as long as it’s made in cold blood I could accept it as valid.
Doubt is an incredibly useful tool for understanding the universe. It acts as a driving force to test our assumptions, to find and deal with weaknesses in our worldview. It helps us avoid screwing ourselves over. But it’s only a tool. If you think that your doubt is misfiring, that there’s some special reason for overruling it, do so. But be aware of your reasons, be aware of the consequences, and leave yourself room to change.
Out of curiosity, which atheist arguments is it that you find particularly convincing? I feel that it might help me understand religion better to know.
June 13th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
The fact that you are questioning your faith means you are growing. We all have to ask the questions that life throws at us.
Keep chewing on them and pondering them… and then seek good counsel. You know that the bible is true, but if you still doubt and doubt then a pastor or a good, mature friend can guide you deeper and deeper into God.
I will be praying for you.
June 13th, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Thanks for posting this, Mandi! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I have my moments of doubt, questioning if everything I believe is real. In the end, I cannot help but see the reality all around me. Sure, Christianity separates us from the majority of the world, but that is because we are strangers and pilgrims here in this land. We aren’t meant to “fit in” a place that is not home. Praise God for the knowledge that Heaven is our home, not this world through which we travel.
June 13th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
I think everyone is a pilgrim in this world, regardless of what belief system they adhere to. I’m always reminded of the Buffy episode (was it “Out of mind, out of sight”?) where Cordelia admits that she always feels really lonely. It’s not just devout Christians.
The only difference is in our response to that division. I personally like to see it as a challenge to overcome.
June 14th, 2007 at 10:02 am
“Out of Mind, Out of Sight” sounds like the right ep…
And you’re right. It isn’t only Christians, and I know that. It just seems to me (maybe because I’m on the inside looking out) that Christianity compounds the problem. It’s ironic, to me, because Christianity is supposed to be all about fellowship and unity and intimacy. But the majority of the time, I don’t feel that at all! Is this just a sympton of the fallen world we live in? Probably. I know that one day I’ll be face to face with Jesus, and I’ll feel completely and utterly whole. But I look around and I see people who feel the beginning of that here, and I want that too.
June 14th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Hey there. I wonder about things too sometimes. Wouldn’t it be great to live on the other side? I think that it would be easier, if not funner, to fit in this world we find ourselves in if we just denied Christianity. Wouldn’t it be great to live life serving myself as though I was my own god? I could hang out with some people I really miss.
For a few years, I did live as an atheist. It was great. At least in the short term. But, because I also understand the truth, I couldn’t get over what I was missing. To make a very long story short, I found that my way really didn’t make me all that happy in the long term. I then began looking at what the Bible says you should restrict yourself from and the long term effects it has on someone.
Yes, I believe fully that you would enjoy your life away from Christ in the begining. I also believe you probably would get some of the relationships you’re refering to. However, I would bet that in a few decades if you compared yourself with the two people you could be based on which road you choose, you would be happier with the Christian version of yourself.
June 16th, 2007 at 7:08 am
This is kind of a weird discussion to get involved in, from an atheist perspective. See, I’m pretty sure you won’t ever be face-to-face with Jesus, because the face of anyone corresponding to the Biblical Jesus will have long ago turned to ashes and dust.
I’m fairly sure that no miracle will have exempted him from the usual rules of biology, because the human tendency to report miracles appears to be vastly stronger than the universe’s tendency to indulge in them. Even if genuine miracles are possible, odds are that this wasn’t one of them, any more than the miracles reported during the founding of the first Mormon temple.
But, on the other hand, if you get more out of life when you hold to that belief, it might still be worth having faith in it.
But, on the other other hand, it sounds like it’s not making life taste any sweeter.
But, on the other other other hand, atheism quite possibly wouldn’t do much for you either. I don’t agree with D – for me, atheism is hard work, because I have to come up with my own standards for things like right and wrong. It’s an arduous process. I think it’s worth the effort, but your mileage may vary.
I guess the question is: if you were an atheist or agnostic or pantheist or equivalent, what would you change about your behaviour to ensure that you’d feel better in future? What chains would you be breaking, what freedoms would you be winning?