Today was my weigh-in day. I was actually afraid all of my numbers had gone up because I’ve been out of town so much that I haven’t been to the gym very often. I was pleasantly surprised!

Who knows? All I know is that I’ve lost 8″ so far and that’s pretty darn incredible!

Yesterday was the end of my first month as a Curves member. As such, we did a check-in with my weight and measurements. I’m a little disappointed it’s not more, but at least the numbers are all DOWN and not up!

• Weight (pounds): -2.5
• Inches: -3
• Body fat: -0.1%

My body is changing. And I’m loving it. You see, I joined Curves a few weeks ago. Something inside of me changed and I’m totally committed to this. I’ve been going consistently and regularly – nearly everyday.

And while the scale hasn’t reflected any changes yet, I can see parts of my body firming up. My thighs are less flabby and there’s the beginnings of muscle tone in my biceps.

This is awesome. I’m so proud of myself.

I discovered this article via always aroused girl. It sounds good. It really does. A woman goes through violence or any sort of tragedy, but there’s a blessing awaiting her. Sign me up!

Until you realize that the “blessing” is the murder of a child.

“Let’s be very clear about this: when a woman finds herself pregnant due to violence and chooses an abortion, it is the violence that is the tragedy; the abortion is a blessing.

When a woman finds that the fetus she is carrying has anomalies incompatible with life, that it will not live and that she requires an abortion — often a late-term abortion — to protect her life, her health, or her fertility, it is the shattering of her hopes and dreams for that pregnancy that is the tragedy; the abortion is a blessing.

When a woman wants a child but can’t afford one because she hasn’t the education necessary for a sustainable job, or access to health care, or day care, or adequate food, it is the abysmal priorities of our nation, the lack of social supports, the absence of justice that are the tragedies; the abortion is a blessing.

And when a woman becomes pregnant within a loving, supportive, respectful relationship; has every option open to her; decides she does not wish to bear a child; and has access to a safe, affordable abortion — there is not a tragedy in sight — only blessing. The ability to enjoy God’s good gift of sexuality without compromising one’s education, life’s work, or ability to put to use God’s gifts and call is simply blessing.

These are the two things I want you, please, to remember — abortion is a blessing and our work is not done.”

I can’t understand this. Okay, let me rephrase. I can’t understand all of this. I truly can understand why a victim of heinous violence would see an abortion as a way out. I can even see it being a “blessing” in that woman’s eyes.

But this?

And when a woman becomes pregnant within a loving, supportive, respectful relationship; has every option open to her; decides she does not wish to bear a child; and has access to a safe, affordable abortion — there is not a tragedy in sight — only blessing.

I can’t wrap my head around this. I see a heartless and callous woman behind these words of Katherine Ragsdale. I simply don’t understand this.

I do understand that there are woman who do not want to be pregnant. I do understand that they wish there were options whenever they become pregnant. I do understand advocating for women’s rights, particularly in cases of violence.

What I don’t understand is why none of the people who demand these rights for the woman are willing to demand rights for the child.

I applaud Ms. Ragsdale for recognizing the tragedy in each of those cases listed above. What I wish she would see is the tragedy in ending a life simply because it was unwanted.

Is it any wonder children of today have not learned that their actions have consequences? We have made it legal to avoid consequence.

This past weekend I watched the new movie on Lifetime The Pregnancy Pact, based on the story that hit the news a few years about a group of teenage girls who made a pact to get pregnant in high school. A recurring theme in that movie was the lack of contraceptives available in high school. The school administration adamantly refused to allow condoms to be distributed at school. This is a great example of not teaching children that there are consequences to their actions. And sadly, it’s an all too real occurence, especially in conservative states. Parents and teachers hide their heads in the sand, not teaching anyone anything worth a damn when it comes to sex education… but it’s okay! If you get pregnant, you can just go take care of it. It’s a blessing that we have this option!

This is a very unhappy cat. This is a very wet cat.

Apparently, our house has been infested with fleas, so today we packed up the two cats into their carriers and left the house for a few hours to fog the house. Have you ever listened to two cats complain at the top of their lungs for two hours straight?

It’s not pleasant.

Then I gave Kali a bath. She did not appreciate that bath. But I survived unscathed, and she doesn’t hate me (shockingly enough).

However, I did just apply flea repellant to her neck and that was enough to make her very indignantly leave the room.

But isn’t she so darn cute?

I have been seeking fulfillment in my life. That’s where my last post and the doubts/questions I had came from. Religion is my fulfillment fallback.

I spent a couple of days languishing over the idea of returning to the church when it hit me – it was only when I was talking to someone who I would be closer to if I were a Christian again that I really felt the emotional tug. When I was alone with my own thoughts and minding my own business, God was nowhere to be found. The need or want for God was gone.

Why do we look for things outside of our own lives to give us fulfillment? It seems simpler and easier to use something like religion to fulfill our lives because it’s all readymade and tied up with a little bow. There are lists and rules and programs already in place so that we don’t have to look within ourselves to figure out who we are and what we want.

There are far too many people, including myself, who have never taken the time or effort to find their own sense of fulfillment in their lives. I’ve always relied on my pre-fabricated bubble to give me everything I thought I needed in my life. And when times get tough, I fall back into the familiar.

So here’s to finding real fulfillment within yourself in 2010.

Cheers!

I was completely and totally thrown for a loop tonight. Thanks to facebook, I reconnected with my ex tonight. My first ex. The one I haven’t spoken to since the night he broke up with me 9 years ago. The one I never really understood why we broke up in the first place.

Turns out, it was because I was a Christian and it freaked him out.

The thing that has me reeling? Now he’s a hardcore Christian. I told him it was funny that now he’s the guy I wished he was all those years ago and he agreed that now I’m the girl he wished I was all those years ago. Still opposite ends of the spectrum. Just reversed.

And it’s mind boggling.

I’m totally reeling here. Partially from the change. Partially from us just picking back up as if we’re the greatest of old friends and chatting for a few hours. And partially from the God talk.

Tears have welled up several times in the last few hours. Some were because there was an instant realization that I’d had no idea I still missed him after 9 years; some were from the God talk.

When people get evangelical on me, it generally results in tears. It makes my heart hurt. I don’t exactly know what that means. Some of you will say it’s nostalgia – longing for familiarity. Some of you will say it’s God.

I don’t know what it is.

All I know is it creates one of the most intense longings I’ve ever felt, and it’s easier to not talk about it and push it away and ignore it than to try and deal with it.

Yet… here I am writing about it.

I was settling in for a good night’s sleep when it occured to me: I have laryngitis.

No, not literally. My vocal capabilities are as good as they’ve ever been.

But I have lost my voice.

When I started this blog nearly four years ago, it was because I had something to say. When I was a Christian, I had an identity. A mission. A cause.

A voice.

I had things to say that mattered. People listened to me when I spoke (or wrote).

It felt good.

That voice is gone. And it’s never coming back. And I have to wonder if another will take its place or if I’m destined to remain silently unnoticed.

It took me 23 years to get the voice I had as a Christian. Will it take another two decades before I have another?

What if I never recover?

Don’t ask me how I hadn’t seen this before just now… I have no idea!

As much as I adore the Twilight book series… the movies are really not that great. Well… the first one was terrible. I haven’t seen New Moon yet.

But we all know that when push comes to shove, I’m a Buffy girl through and through. So I absolutely love this vid:

This is by far the best Christmas season I’ve had in years. I’m loving being here with all of my family. It’s just… awesome.

I haven’t had a Christmas tree, nor helped put one up, in several years. So this year, it was thrilling for me to put up not one, not two, but three Christmas trees!

First, there’s mom’s:

Please forgive the poor quality – I took it with my cell phone. And with that kind of light in the background, there wasn’t a whole lot I could do.

We had a good time putting up this “Charlie Brown” tree (that’s what I call it – it’s scrawny!). She had kept all of the ornaments from my childhood. We went through them all – I got to keep about half of them and the other half we put on her tree. How nice it was to reminisce about the best Christmases we ever had.

Then we went to my Granny’s house to put up her tree.

Two years ago was the first (and only) time she put up this tree. I like it better this year than I did when she had the professionals put it up for her.

And lastly… here’s the one at our house. Covered in remnants of my childhood. My stepdad actually got choked up while we were decorating this afternoon (which of course, made me a little teary eyed myself).

I’m loving Christmas this year.