I bought a mattress set today. And it was delivered an hour later.
Total cost, including mattress, box springs, delivery, and bed frame: $374
Total raised from amazing and generous people: $250
Really, you guys amaze me. I’ll never forget your generosity and kindness.
I’m sleeping in a bed tonight, baby!
I’ve never shamelessly used this blog as a plea for help before. And the funny thing is that now I’m doing it when I have virtually zero readership, so it probably won’t do me any good.
Bottom line - I need a bed.
I’ve been sleeping on my couch for the last three months. I had planned to do it indefinitely, but some unforeseen circumstances have come up. Namely - the emergency gall bladder removal surgery I had on Monday. I’ll be heading back home this weekend, and I’m not looking forward to sleeping on a couch while I finish healing.
SO!
I’ve placed a paypal donate button over there in my sidebar. Hoping beyond hope that I manage to get enough to pay for at least half of a good mattress set.
Thanks, in advance, of any help you might be able to offer.
Love,
Mandi
I just read through two years worth of posts.
Wow.
It was interesting. I’d written a lot of stuff I’d forgotten about. Was reminded of a few things that made me cry. But it was all my journey. All of it is part of who I am. And the reason I went through it all was so I could put together a new page for people. A page that explains who I was and who I am.
Face the Strange will take you through my journey from faith to agnosticism.
It’s funny. When I started writing that page, I was all gung-ho about how liberated and free I feel. And then I read all of those posts and felt the pang of missed familiarity. The pang of regret. The pang of sorrow.
It’s not the faith I miss. It’s who I was. The people I once had in my life.
But maybe I do miss the faith just a little bit. The certainty of knowing why you exist and what you’re going to do.
But likely, it’s just a small case of “homesickness.”
Face the Strange is my story. It’s how I became who I am today.
Enjoy.
You know, it seems like if it’s not one thing, it’s another.
When I was in Denver, life was crappy, but I adored my job. If nothing else, I didn’t dread getting up and going to work everyday. Now, life is pretty okay, I’m getting to be really happy with who I am as a person, but I absolutely dread getting up and going to work everyday. And this is a place where I spend 10 hours of my day (including the commute). I’m home and awake for 4 hours or so each night. The rest of my time is spent being absolutely miserable.
Three months and it’s like this.
I want to start looking for something new, but I’m torn. In my generation, we treat jobs we love like a right, instead of a privilege. I have this sense of entitlement. But then I think about generations past. People had the kind of work ethic where they stayed in miserable jobs for 20+ years. So… I’m torn. Am I showing a lack of character by not wanting to deal with it?
I don’t expect every job to be perfect. I don’t even expect to find another job I love as much as I loved working at DRM (at least not until I get my bookstore). But there has to be a happy medium.
Doesn’t there?
I think you called me last night.
The number on caller ID was “Restricted” and you’re the only one to ever call me with a restricted number.
You hung up when I called your name.
Maybe it was a random wrong number, but it didn’t feel like it. You stayed on the line long enough for me to say “Hello?” “Hello?!?”
Then I said your name and the line went dead.
I think it was you.
I hope it was.
I went out with a really nice guy on Friday. We’d been talking for a week, and it seemed like we should get along just fine. There are so many things we have in common. We both share a love of music - even musical theatre. Our favorite broadway show was the same. We enjoy the same types of movies. The same TV shows. We made each other laugh very easily.
It all seemed too good to be true.
But when we met… it fizzled. There was no spark. It was awkward and strange. I knew immediately that, while he would make a great friend, there’s no way we could ever date. And I felt so bad for feeling it. He even brought me flowers, for crying out loud.
I keep running through my head what happened. He’s not a bad looking guy. His personality is great. Is it really possible for two people to have too much in common? Enough that it ruins any chance of chemistry or sizzle? I think it is.
It’s a new start, so I got a new look!
It’s not done. Clearly the header/title is missing. I know! I’m waiting for the theme designer to get back to me with what font she used so I can set it up.
But man, I think this is my favorite theme that I’ve ever used. It’s so… pretty!
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
(from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights)
Monday afternoon I spent several hours in a car with a coworker driving to DC for a conference. Three and a half hours provides time for ample conversation, and naturally the changes in my faith came up. For the first time, I actually took the time and made the effort to think about and articulate what I believe now, and why.
It was quite liberating.
I said out loud to someone that I don’t believe Jesus is the Son of God, a redeemer, or the Messiah. She asked me who my redeemer is, who I go to for strength, what keeps me good.
My answer? Me.
I choose to live the way that I do because it’s the right thing to do. I have no fear of eternal damnation. What I do have is empathy and compassion for man. That’s what “keeps me good.”
I still pray. Because prayer, for me, is me talking to myself. It always has been. It’s a time where I talk problems out. I vent, rant, or even express gratitude. But it’s still just me, talking to me, for me. It’s a time to get things off my chest. It’s NOT me talking to some other being, asking them to magically make life better or give me strength to deal with life. My strength comes from within.
She asked if I believe in fate. I do not. Life is the consequences of the choices we make. Nothing ever “just happens.” It’s the same with good and evil. I don’t believe anyone is inherently good or evil. who we are is a product of the choices that we make. I choose to be good. Sometimes I choose to be selfish. A lot of times I want to be selfish, yet still choose to do the right thing.
It’s all about choice.
There are still some irrational beliefs that I hold. Or maybe irrational is the wrong word. While I no longer believe in the God of the Bible, I still look around in awe and wonder and can’t help but think that something had a hand in it. Is it an all-loving, involved in our lives, infinite being? No. Is it an all knowing punisher? No. But who or what it is, I don’t know. I don’t really care to know as it doesn’t affect my life one way or the other.
I do believe in a spirit world. I can’t tell you what it looks like - it’s strange for me to believe in spirits when I don’t believe in heaven or hell. It’s just this feeling I have that there’s more to this world than what I can see. But this probably has something to do with my silly fascination with the supernatural - vampires, witches, werewolves, etc.
But Mandi, haven’t you said over and over again that you’ve experienced, felt, and spoken with God? Absolutely. But after more objective reflection, I’ve realized that what many people had been telling me was correct. It was emotional. It was all purely emotional. And realizing that has actually been a great relief.
Ultimately though, in the things that matter, it’s all about me. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s not. Life is a product of our choices. What I choose - how I live - is what matters. What you choose is what matters in your life.
-fin
Whatever happens. Whatever
what is is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
~Galway Kinnell~
